2442: A Bravestar Oddysey...

Space.

The infinite window.

The endless journey.

The big, black thing you see at night.

The thing I finally am in, starting today.

My first day in space was a very productive day. I found this CD of the song "Also sprach Zarathustra" and played it on the ship's audio system repeatedly. That song is awesome, makes a man feel big.

Reynold was getting a bit whiny, and said that the song is known to cause hallucinations for space travellers. I think he was just being silly, or that his circuits are malfunctioning.

Then suddenly, the Kool-Aid Man (my Jesus) appeared and gave to me the true meaning of life, which was fragile and abstract. However, my firm and masculine hands broke the meaning when I tried juggling it, and now it's all over the floor, shattered.

The remains of the meaning of life then turned into a flock of pigeons, which then performed 'Bohemian Rhapsody' heavenly. Then J. Edgar Hoover appeared and gave them a grammy award, followed by a round of applause. Then Hoover challenged me to a drinking contest, and he lost. The alcohol went into my brain and moved in with the tiny little man who lives in it. They then started a sitcom, which was so funny that I laughed to death.

Then I woke up after Reynold gave me CPR. He told me that none of the things that happened before were real, but I think he was just being silly.

Suddenly, a big, black rectangle seems to have appeared in the ship's kitchen. I don't know what it is, but I am compelled to stare at it for a long time.

Somehow, as I was staring at it, it jolted my brain with information, and now I somehow understood the rules of chess (turns out you're not supposed to eat the pieces)!

Could this rectangle be the secret of all knowledge of the universe?

And if it is, can our tiny minds comprehend it?

And if they can, do you think they'll let me keep it?

Reynold is now in the kitchen, trying to study it, while I sit here in my room, listening to 'Also sprach Zarathustra' again.

Hey! Hoover's back! And he brought Tim Curry with him! They're inviting me to play dressup!

Until next time, BRAVESTAR IS GO!!!!!

Evils of the universe, prepare yourselves!

Bravestar.

Lance Bravestar.

I feel proud wearing my name engraved on this badge, and not just because the badge represents my duty of protecting the galaxy, but also because 'Lance Bravestar' is a pretty awesome name. Especially when it's my birth name, which means that I have been destined to be awesome since I was born.

No, really. My father was Harrison Bravestar and my mother was Carrie Bravestar. I love them dearly, mostly because they didn't give me a dorky name like 'Melvin'. Heh, I'd hate to be 'Melvin Bravestar'.

So my mentor, Melvin, advised me to write my thoughts and feelings in a diary. I replied by telling him that diaries are for wussies and men with questionable sexuality.

Now a journal, THAT'S manly.

I installed this primitive 'blogging' program on my Wrist-Com (which I will address in the future as 'WC' since I hate typing hyphens), which still dates the year as '2009'. Man, how old is this thing? and where's the date adjuster? Also, this thing was apparently owned by a guy named 'Tredlow Connors', and I don't know how to change the name, so I'll just leave it like that. Anyway, I put an MS paint picture of a disgruntled space-llama as my avatar, tee hee.

So, on to my first day.

They made me captain of this really cool ship. It's called the 'Crimson Condor', and it was once driven by my mentor, Melvin, until he got arrested for DUI last year. Some of my friends told me that this is a bad omen, but, nevertheless, my fortune cookie informed me this morning, that nothing will go wrong in the immediate future.

Well, okay, the cookie was empty, so I just wrote my own fortune and told everyone that it was real. Hey, every man controls his own destiny, right?

Anyway, they got me paired by a robot named Reynold. He's kind of uptight and humorless. Just a few hours ago I scrambled the wires on his head and made him dance around the ship. He didn't even chuckle. Then he started scolding me about how the word 'robot' is an offensive term, and he prefer to be called 'mecha' instead.

Why can't I be paired off with a hot amazon chick or Chuck Norris? My friend, Crash Magnum, who is only two ranks ahead of me, got paired with a clone of Bruce Lee! I want a clone of an Asian with a funny haircut, too! I always get paired with the boring ones, like Melvin.

Anyway, it's launching time, and all electronic devices must be turned off.

Until next time, BRAVESTAR IS GO!!!!!